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It is possible to get better…

And I am a living testament of that.  I know what it’s like to not want to wake up in the morning.. to want to just die and kill myself to stop everything, every negative thought, feeling, and emotion that went on in my mind and slowly what seemed to take over my body.

But here I am, alive and well, hoping to be that light to those of you who are feeling useless, worthless, ugly, hated, and fat, guilty, and ashamed.  I am here to tell you that it is possible to get better.  To be able to smile and really mean it.  To laugh and not be fake.  I am here a new woman, and God has made a way for me to see my life as a gift.  I used to blame Him and question Him for why all these bad things were  happening.  But He gave me a little sense of hope, every day.. every 5 minutes.  I had to fight with all that i could to not hurt myself.  But with every 5 minutes that passed, i slowly learned how fill my mind with positive things and see the blessings in disguise.

Just wanted to check in and say that I AM HERE.  And I am praying for all of you, sending you all the love and hope that you deserve.  I know I dont know you, but I do know that God is in everyone of you, and He put that fight in all of us.  And with that little fight and a little faith, it will grow if we let it.  And you too, will be genuinely happy.  Share a smile, because we all know what that means to us.  Take care guys, and God be with you all, in all moments of your day. <3

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

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Bc I need an outlet…

I am realllllly trying to keep my food down. Been throwing up every single thing I’ve eaten.. :( Even if I just nibble on cheerios or something, once there is substance in me, my body rejects it. I’m really trying, but I feel like the only way to get relief is to vomit. This is getting too serious… I’m already feeling all the side effects of bulimia.. Hyponatremia, hypovolemia, heart palpitations, extreme dehydration.. Sorry, nursing terminology, which makes no sense bc I’m gonna be a nurse but can’t seem to treat even myself of my own iniquities… I think I’m going to vomit… Bleh “/

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Note to self:

Don’t trip over what other people do, cuz that’s outta your control. You’re in control of you. Be coo.

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This whole emotional battle is getting harder and harder to deal w/. What makes it even more difficult is that i have no kinna supp

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I’m really good at building up walls. Alot of walls. And pushing people away, esp when i may need in the most. Why? Bc I’ve always

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Intense sadness, once again..

You know you’re truly happy when the times you’re by yourself you can’t help but smile. But what about the times you can’t help but cry?.. 

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I hate to admit it, but i’m back to wher

Multimedia Message I hate to admit it, but i’m back to where i first was when i made this blog. Extreme anger, extreme sadness, crazy sleeping scheds, just moping around when i’m by myself. I’m totally disgusted w/ myself. But i can’t tell anyone. I can never tell anyone. I put up these walls which i know are the cause of my fall. But it hurts to let people in. I’m still scared. I’m still scarred. I’m just a broken heart, a broken soul trying to make due w/ the life i have. My family is breaking apart all over again, i’m shutting people out, i’m angry, i want to hit and demolish everything around me. I feel like i want to do damage. I want to break things to get these emotions out physically. I FUCKIN HATE THIS SHIT. I need help. Pronto. But where is everyone? They don’t know.

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Can’t handle this. Had to make a quick exit. Smh.. Can’t study w/ alla this going on…


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Some people just don’t get it. Stop smothering me.. Clingy-ness will only make me push you away. Gimme my freakin space -

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